What I learned from an Interiors Therapist during my Divorce
Guest Blog Post
Claire Macklin, Divorce Coach
I see my home as a reflection of me, and reclaiming your home and your home environment is a crucial part of moving forward after any break up.
I have been divorced twice and rebuilt my life from the ground up twice. Both times, my home was an important aspect of my journey through, and my recovery.
I ended my second marriage in August 2021, and worked with Suzanne Roynon for a weekend in January 2022. In that weekend, we made major changes to my bedroom. In the months that followed, I made further big changes to the rest of my home.
When you are going through a break up or divorce, there is a huge amount of uncertainty. Life may feel like it is in limbo for a while, and it was like that for me. Perhaps you have to live together for a while post-separation, or maybe (like me) your partner has moved out, but a lot of their stuff remains while you sort out your future living needs.
I had met Suzanne originally via Linked In a couple of years before. We had spoken lots of times and read each others’ books, but not met in person. I knew our approaches were aligned. So I was intrigued to know more about how interiors therapy could help me, and my clients.
What did I learn from my weekend with Suzanne?
Old memories have no place under the marital bed
There were a load of old memories and “baggage” from the past which had lived under our bed for several years. Old photos of our previous lives, pictures that had been bought with our previous spouses. Even my wedding dress from my first marriage had lived under there for a while, along with a wedding photo album!
“Do you really want to sleep on top of all that?”, asked Suzanne….
So we cleared it all out, and now my bed has nothing underneath it. I am no longer literally sleeping on past experiences and hangovers from previous relationships.
Bust the Dust!
As part of the weekend, we emptied out and moved all my bedroom furniture. I was horrified by the huge dust balls we found behind it. I learnt that dust is 20 – 50% dead skin cells…. Our DNA was inhabiting the corners of the room. So out came the hoover….
Replace your mattress, and if possible, the whole bed
Much like the dust, your mattress contains your DNA, along with the memories of the relationship – which can keep you tied to the past. I had already decided to invest in a new mattress and bed - this information meant I did it within weeks of Suzanne’s visit.
Watch where your mirror is facing
I had a mirror in my bedroom facing the door. Suzanne advised I move it and put it somewhere else. A mirror facing the door could be reflecting good energy straight back out!
Ditch possessions which have negative attachments to the past
On my mantlepiece, I had a clock. It had moved house with me at least 3 times. Originally a wedding gift from my first marriage, I remembered who had given it to us every time I checked the time. It reminded me of that first marriage and how it had ended very suddenly. When I took the clock down and donated it to charity, it freed me to choose a different clock; one without any emotional ties to the past.
18 months on, I have done even more to reclaim my home:
· decorated my bedroom, my lounge, my office
· re-covered my sofa
· bought new curtains, light fittings and soft furnishings for my bedroom and lounge
· a new kitchen with a beautiful bling splashback, which reflects my personality
· checked each room for items with emotional ties that no longer serve me. Those items have been sold, dumped or donated to charity
· cleared out my wardrobe, keeping only the clothes that make me feel great.
Even if you are still living with your ex while your divorce goes through, focus on creating a small space that is yours, whether that’s a whole room or a space within a room, and make it as healthy and supportive a space as you can. It will make all the difference to how you feel.
The environment in which you live is so important, so make it work for you!
Claire Macklin -- Divorce Coach works with clients and solicitors to smooth the divorce process and enable divorce with dignity, moving forward into a new and better life.
