Fixer upper or finished article?
Now if we were talking about houses here, like many others, I love the challenge of transforming a drab or unloved building into a beautiful home.
What about a partner? Many men and women seem to attract fixer-uppers.
It can happen so often, they begin to wonder if there is anyone out there without complex family situations, traumatic break-ups, neuroses, over-protective mothers, spiteful siblings and a myriad of other issues.
Do you automatically try to ‘fix’ them, believing they have potential to be an amazing person once they deal with the angst?
Or are you looking for someone who is as close to the ‘finished article’ as can be.
Firstly, I want to say that nobody is perfect, we all have a few hang-ups and that’s to be expected. There is a difference between a hang-up and a fully fledged relationship-impacting challenge.
But visualise a person still so emotionally attached to a former partner, situation or experience that the new lover has to nurture, protect, encourage and mentor them into a relationship. Is that going to be a healthy, balanced partnership? No. Not in a million years!
It might be fun in the first flush of love, but without dramatic headway to cut away the old pain and heartache, someone will always be the fixer.
The irony is, with love, consideration and endless patience it is possible to rebuild the shattered self-esteem of someone you adore.
The sting in the tale is that that’s a perilous place to be!
Many of my clients have a track record of falling in love with the person they ‘know is inside’ the broken partner they are dating.
They make excuses for bad behavior and blame themselves when their loved one is hurting.
They invest months, even years of their lives and might even see their partner transform.
But with the change, the broken outgrow their vulnerability and look beyond the person who has loved them despite their challenges.
They move on into a new balanced relationship, leaving their ‘carer’ baffled, hurt and heartbroken.
Here I speak from more experience than I care to dwell on. I’ve been ‘fixer’ and ‘fixee’ at various points in my life.
It didn’t end well and hard lessons were learned. I now choose to be in a glorious balanced relationship with someone who is perfect just as they are!
Why am I saying this?
What I found with Interiors Therapy is that it helps a person rebuild themselves – without the need for a series of fixers, carers, co-dependent or unhealthy relationships.
By dealing with the emotional triggers first hand using the Interiors Therapy process, personal self-healing happens gently from the inside out.
No one gets hurt along the way and when the time is right, taking those first steps back into the world of relationships comes with the assurance of being in the best place to begin something new.
You’re available to be an equal partner in a healthy and life affirming loving relationship.
When you are in that magnetic place, you attract people who are compatible – like you, they are the finished article and are emotionally ready to love you for the person you are.
Your Bulls**t detector will alert you to the narcissists, losers and screw-ups who want your energy to fix them and you’ll walk straight past.
When that happens – it’s like magic.
Try it! You’ll thank me.
