Divorce their stuff too

One divorce coach told me recently “I read your book. Now I just recommend clients keep their personal stuff and stick anything they can’t sell in a skip. It’s making the process a whole lot easier for them”.

An international Dating and Relationship Coach now includes a session with me as part of her coaching package for VIP clients.

So why is that? What is it that Divorce Lawyers, coaches and relationship specialists have discovered which is making such a difference for their clients?

I’m connected with many divorced people through my work as an Interiors Therapist. 

They find their way to me a couple of years post-divorce when things aren’t working out and they can’t understand why.

Inevitably it all stems back to the divorce and the decisions made at the time.

How many divorce lawyers would say “Just sell everything, split the money and start again somewhere else”? Not a lot! Although I suspect it would be better, faster, more cost effective and less painful if they did.

There’s this whole ‘fighting for” pressure with divorce. “I’m fighting to keep the house… the art … the furniture”

“I don’t want him to have…” or “She isn’t getting the….” (insert whatever possession springs to mind!)

STOP! It’s a recipe for unhappiness.

People walk away from a former spouse staggering under the weight of the possessions they were determined to keep – out of practicality, desire and spite.

But as more people are starting to realise (and this is where the excellent lawyers, divorce and relationship coaches come in), the stuff doesn’t help you move on.

WHAT IT DOES is chain you emotionally and subconsciously to your ex and the failed relationship. Is that really what you want?

I’m told over again by unhappy individuals they ‘won’ the battle to keep most of the furniture, even the marital bed. They tell me they want a fresh start but nothing works out – they want to know how I can help them?

The answer is simple:

Get rid of anything which reminds you of your marriage or your ex, sell it, ditch it, donate it and give yourself space to move on….

•      If you sleep in the bed you shared with your ex, it’s going to be very difficult to create a new and better romantic relationship with someone new.

•     While you have anything which reminds you of your ex – they will always fester in your subconscious thoughts and live rent-free in your head – even when you try to brush them away.

•     If you remain in the same house, your ex will retain an energetic ‘ownership’ because they live there in your thoughts and memories, whether you like it or not!

Do yourself the most enormous favour. If divorce is the only option, travel light. If you can, take only your personal belongings and begin again elsewhere.

Memory triggers will always imprison you in the past.  If taking furniture is essential when you first go, replace it as soon as you are able – but please, never take the marital bed or mattress.

Suzanne Roynon is the award winning author of ‘Welcome Home, How Stuff Makes or Breaks your Relationship’ (£14.99 Panoma Press)